Sunday, February 10, 2008

How do I say thank you?

I come from a broken family. Broken not in the terms of how we use it in current day America. Broken as in, I was born half hour before my mother passed away. So I have never had a biological mom. But the family I was born into made every effort to make up for her absence. The immediate family at the time of my birth consisted of my sister, our grieving dad, his young and unmarried brothers (D and K) and their aging parents. Sadly, I never really connected with my father. If he were alive now, I would have asked him how painful it must have been for him to see the absence of his wife in his life every time he saw me. I would have made it up to him. It is not easy to accept loss of a partner no matter how old you are. Speaking of loss we only had the benefit of having him till I was 10 and then we lost him too. But I learned like all resilient kids to adapt to the situation. It was made easy by the family I was in. Never did my Uncles shirk their 'assumed' responsibilities of having to take care of this new addition, in their lives. And to think their resume did not have any experience in such matters! They told me stories as I grew up, of how they learned on the job, from making milk bottles to juggling their careers with this growing responsibility at home. They even hired a live-in nanny! Isn't this the story of all us working parents? They figured it out 40 some years ago and were not even married! In fact my Uncle D, never did marry and somehow made himself my self-appointed guardian angel through out my childhood. I lost him too a few years back and I regret not having been by his side when he needed me most. But, really, how does one say thank you to this gigantic effort? I do it every waking moment of my life. A silent prayer to God for giving me this strong family, who taught me how to live life as they themselves were struggling to figure the path out. They gave me the moral support when I needed it, the ability to appreciate life in the face of adversities and the freedom to dream. Thank you my two dads!

When I was 4, we added to our family. This time it came in the form of my adopted mother. She married my Uncle K knowing very well of the uphill task she had in front of her. Two girls to care for! Speak of experience needed for the job! She did a commendable job as being the center of the family and the rock that we all needed to anchor on. She did everything a mom would do for her child. Cooked for us, cleaned for us, kept us in check with our behavior, taught us to be polite, gave us a sense of belonging, fed us humorous stories from her own childhood to put a smile on days when even waking up was difficult. She had her quirks, but as a child with no comparison to make, I took it as normal. As a mother of two now, I realize what an emotional task it must have been for her as she cared for her adopted kids and her own two children, with having to be fair and equal so that the onlooking society would not sit on their high horse and pass judgment on her abilities. I consider myself lucky for having had her as my guiding light. She showed me how to juggle responsibilities, taught me not complain about the nitty gritties, to keep a clean house and to run it under tight financial constraints. Thank you, Amma, for giving me the perspectives and the security as I discover how difficult life sometimes can be.

I thank my stars for aligning the way they did when I was born and I say it without cynicism. I would not be here in time and space if not for my adopting family. I owe my success, my ability to face failures, and my mere existence to my three parents. As Charlie Brown once said, 'Thank you from the bottom of my sock'! The ability to look back in life and only pick the positives is not easy to do, but that is what helps me look forward too.