Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Just random thoughts...

Wednesday, 15 November 2007

I put off writing this entry for a while now because my thoughts didn't really form well and I was not even sure where they were going. I still don't know the answer that last question but I feel like just putting my 'random thoughts' down before they start meaning even lesser to me with time.

Thought 1: This stems from a previous train of thought I had about purpose of life. It has bothered me and had to be put down in ink for rumination later. So is it really ok to feel contented so early in life? Why do I lack the drive to aim for more? I know, we have had our share of trying times in all the pains and ills and woes as a family, and I remind myself about that when I am feeling like this, but still that cannot be my excuse or reason???? Shouldn't it in fact motivate me more?
Why oh why do I feel guilty that I am not motivated to do more!

Thought 2: I just cannot make the world happy. I want to but I just can't seem to. I hate that feeling. All this time I thought, making others feel happy is the key to my own happiness, but I am realizing I am off base. I am working on dealing with that inability to have a good relationship with everyone or keeping everyone happy. It is sad but seemingly becoming true.

Thought 3: Isn't making mistakes a part of growing up and maturing as a human being? Isn't it okay to make them as long as one realizes it was a mistake and actually learn from it and just not chalk it up to hindsight blah blah blah? If I am so wise, then why am I making more of these 'mistakes', or am I wiser because I am not repeating the SAME mistake? Maybe that is what it is! Aha! Don't make the same mistakes dear J, but do make them. How else will you learn? Oh a Mistakes 101 class would have been nice to have had!

Thought 4: One thing I know I have to work on, is to say 'No'. It is the toughest thing for me to accomplish, but is definitely on my to do list. Maybe my new year's resolution?

Thought 5: Still forming....:)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Busy life

Sunday, 11 November 2007

We just got back from our weekend trip to Philadelphia and New York. Phila was fun as always. Nothing like watching an India – Pakistan 1-dayer with like minded folks. The age thing is definitely catching up though. I could not sit through the whole game!

But I must say, after 'hanging out' with my busy, focused and goal driven friends who talked about jet set traveling, checked on work periodically via blackberry's, and IPhones, talked about tight work schedules from now until Xmas and beyond and the list goes on... my life suddenly seemed so sedentary and uncomplicated! The question of 'purpose of my life' did bother me the rest of the weekend. (I won't be surprised if this will come back as a post at a later date!).

A few words about our New York trip. It was in short, great! The highlight was seeing Sonia for the first time. Our two-year old even had a song prepared! (Kehdo Naa, Kehdo Naa, you are my Sonia). About S, all I can say is adorable. Good luck R and D. She is so lucky to have parents like you!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Deepavali 2008

Thursday, Nov 9 2007

Today is Deepavali. Funnily I never really celebrated this festival after I became a wife and parent. I chose to do so starting today. I went to extra lengths to buy new clothes for everyone at home, and to put the kids through a Ganga Snaanam (the older one went kicking and screaming to the bathroom as I woke her up at 5:30AM for the ritual☺). When I told her of how kids in India are probably up and about already bathed and on the streets lighting fireworks, all she said was a dreary ‘So?’). Anyway, I am working from home today for this reason and have decided to emulate my sister-in-law who is so meticulous about celebrating each of these rituals with her family. I am going to keep her as my role model from now onwards for such festivities. I even got the recipe of besan laddoo from her that I will experiment on the kids and R tonight after lighting the valakkus.

As I am penning this, I am thinking back to the last time I remember Deepavali being fun. It was Deepavali of 1978. In fact I think I might have shunned this whole festival thing as it brings back memories of my dad’s last Deepavali extravaganza before his accident. I still remember in my mind’s eye of how he rode home on his Alwyn Pushpak scooter, literally bending over with the weight of the fireworks. Daddy was not of a big frame and the scooter as it is looked so heavy in his hands, especially when he would try to start it and had to bend the fuel tank to one side in order for the petrol (gas) to flow to the engine. I would be so afraid that he might get squished under its weight someday and would watch with bated breath every time he started that vehicle. Anyway, on that night before Deepavali he had literally bought the store for us. He had ensured to pick a fire cracker of every variety, one for every age in the house. Akka and I, who were 10 and 14 at that time, were asked to divide the whole thing between the kids. P was only 2 years old and was only allowed to watch us. N was 5 years old and got the bulk of the sparklers, bhoochakram, wire, fountain/flower-pot and the likes. Hallo (my Chitappa, my guardian angel) was the official bearer of the vishnuchakrams as we all knew ahead of time that we were scared to hold it till its end. Akka and I got most of the Lakshmi Pataas, the Elephant Brand, the atom bombs, the rockets, the trains and the aeroplanes. In fact even she got tired after a while and let me dip into her share. I for those three days literally ruled the roost when it came to having the biggest stash of the crackers as my interest never waned. We did not even touch the sissy kudurai pataas and the stinky snake variety because we thought it was for the wimps. In all reality we had so many fireworks, we could not think of how to finish off all the stock. In fact we didn’t. I remember the following year when Daddy was no more, and we had the theetu of not celebrating Deepavali being the 1st anniversary of his death. Thatha suggested we take out the previous year’s stock. We had the leftover snake and the horse brand fireworks, and I hated the smell of the fireworks because it reminded me of the fun we had had with Daddy alive and amidst us the year before. That smell still remains in my memory along with it a lot of buried past that seem to be ‘snaking’ their way to the surface as I decide to blog about it! It is therapeutic I guess!

Blogger...me too!

Wednesday, Nov 7 2007

I started this blog only today after I came upon my colleague, AO’s writings on the blogosphere. My better half, R, has tried so hard to convince me to write my thoughts down so that he could create a blogspot for me, but I have denied him that pleasure (He has one of his own blogs at, booksraaglikes.blogspot.com). I hope he will help me get this up and running and won’t be saddened by how I got motivated to do this after all ☺

Happy Birthday D!

Tuesday, Nov 6 2007

Today is my childhood best friend’s birthday. D and I grew up on the same street as neighbors in good old Jayanagar, Bangalore. D was and is such a sweet person and he makes up many of my childhood memories. He was always there for me and sometimes I do feel bad that I was not there in the same way for him. D has been through a lot and hopefully the ‘lot’ remains in the past tense. I wish him well in life and am very happy that he has finally found his soul mate in R. I met them last year when I visited Bangalore. They look good together. I wish them both the best in their future. Happy birthday D! Here’s wishing you more ‘surprise’ dinners at ‘Gufha’ ☺ and many more years of your friendship.

I pray you have many more such successes....my friend

Monday, Nov 5 2007

My best friend took us out to dinner as he was celebrating a milestone, a company acquisition (he works for a company that got acquired for all the ‘right reasons’). I am told (I don’t keep tab into such business nitty gritties ☺) that such success stories are one in a hundred. I am glad I know of such a ‘one’. I happen to know for a fact that he worked very hard to get the company to this stage and was even happier to be part of the big celebration he chose to give to a small group. We went to a very nice restaurant in Washington D. C., The Bombay Club. Apparently the likes of Clintons and Bushes have been here and rank the place high on their list of good restaurants. I realized as I was sitting there, that he could have taken us to a diner and we would still have had the same amount of fun. I am not saying I did not enjoy the food, I loved it! It is the company I keep that brings out such laughter and mirth and that was again a highlight of this event. I have to say; in all these years I have known my friends, they have been able to put a smile on my face. This was even at times when smiles came with difficulty! Thank you K and J for the dinner and for being the ‘go to’ friends for R and me.

The blogging bug has bit me...

Sunday, Nov 4 2007

What a date to start recollection of thoughts for a blog entry. This was another bad migraine weekend. It will last its course, and I will be glad when it is gone…until next time! (I am penning this a couple days after the fact and in hindsight it doesn’t seem so bad after all ☺)

Here we go

I never thought I would do this, but here I am joining the blogging world. I have in these past few months come across so many blogs which make simple and honest observations of mundane things (maybe to some readers) that actually warms my heart as I read them. I have decided therefore to try and keep a log of my mundane life from now on as well (starting from this week). Just a diary that I can go back and look through in a few years from now. Something I should have started long long time ago.