Just random thoughts...

Wednesday, 15 November 2007

I put off writing this entry for a while now because my thoughts didn't really form well and I was not even sure where they were going. I still don't know the answer that last question but I feel like just putting my 'random thoughts' down before they start meaning even lesser to me with time.

Thought 1: This stems from a previous train of thought I had about purpose of life. It has bothered me and had to be put down in ink for rumination later. So is it really ok to feel contented so early in life? Why do I lack the drive to aim for more? I know, we have had our share of trying times in all the pains and ills and woes as a family, and I remind myself about that when I am feeling like this, but still that cannot be my excuse or reason???? Shouldn't it in fact motivate me more?
Why oh why do I feel guilty that I am not motivated to do more!

Thought 2: I just cannot make the world happy. I want to but I just can't seem to. I hate that feeling. All this time I thought, making others feel happy is the key to my own happiness, but I am realizing I am off base. I am working on dealing with that inability to have a good relationship with everyone or keeping everyone happy. It is sad but seemingly becoming true.

Thought 3: Isn't making mistakes a part of growing up and maturing as a human being? Isn't it okay to make them as long as one realizes it was a mistake and actually learn from it and just not chalk it up to hindsight blah blah blah? If I am so wise, then why am I making more of these 'mistakes', or am I wiser because I am not repeating the SAME mistake? Maybe that is what it is! Aha! Don't make the same mistakes dear J, but do make them. How else will you learn? Oh a Mistakes 101 class would have been nice to have had!

Thought 4: One thing I know I have to work on, is to say 'No'. It is the toughest thing for me to accomplish, but is definitely on my to do list. Maybe my new year's resolution?

Thought 5: Still forming....:)